All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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