so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
