I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
