youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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