flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
