I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
