I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
