New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
How does one acquire holy water?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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