Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
