don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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