I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
