dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
