There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize