I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
