put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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