Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize