It's Friday. Sex?
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
