I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
