I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
