You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
