it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
