Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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