can we get nightvision for the apartment?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
