Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
