After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
