They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
