I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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