Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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