It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
