We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
