That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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