Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
