when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
