oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
