You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
