He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Randomize
