I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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