Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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