Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Randomize
