I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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