I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
