So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
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