what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
