It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
