why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
