1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
