well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
