two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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