i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
This beer is not sobering me up at all
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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