So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
