I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
