I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
