My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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