There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
