this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
