no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
