i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
