i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
