i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
