HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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