And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
