i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
