I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
