conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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