I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
