I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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