so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
MIDGETS
????
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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