I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Randomize
